The year 2020 has brought many challenges to people globally. Yet, it has brought opportunity to just as many in different variations. For me, 2020 has brought closure to one chapter and opened the door to new and brighter horizons for the next chapter and book. I am excited for the new beginnings in my life, personally, professionally, and relationally. I have literally found "new life" and new opportunities. Although we are a few thousand miles apart right now, we celebrated our first Christmas together. This has been a very fast year for us. We have talked, learned, shared, cried, laughed, prayed, read, studied, skied, ridden camels, swam, walked, eaten special meals, and so much more, all in a long distance relationship (LDR). I am so thankful that we have had the privilege to see each other a couple of times this year so we could continue the development of US. Although we celebrate individually this year, next year will be very different because we will be side by side, together. Her smile, laugh, support, and love will be my present for Christmas and everyday there after. Instead of talking 2-4 hours a day virtually, we will have the privilege of literally turning our heads and be able spend personalized time together. Being in a LDR has offered a great benefit in that it taught us the importance of learning to talk and communicate to/with each other. Although the distance is hard, the connection it has brought has been a wonderful benefit. I look forward to sharing every future Christmas ahead with my Mabel. As she told me earlier this year, "I will not waste a single moment while we are together." She is the kind of woman that makes me only want to be a better man; a better man for her, a better man for myself, and most importantly to be a devout and sincere godly man. Here's to many more amazing and incredible Christmas's together.
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Moments together as a couple, friends, husband/wife, or relatives, communication is always essential to their success. I love reading articles, books, or even having conversations about life lessons and changing my life actions about things that will obviously benefit me and my family personally and professionally. Just like the popular quote, "life is not a dress rehearsal", it really is the/our final exam. We do not get a "do over". We must live purposely, intently, and with passion. One thing I have learned, communication is the overall key to success; no matter whether it is personally or professionally. If you do not have real transparency, there is no direction, no intimacy, no effective relationship because "the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing". This is one specific concept I want to master. A brilliant quote I read in an article about marriage maintenance from Marriage Today stated, "We fall in love through talking—and communication is how we stay in love, too." My goal and hope is to truly focus on the deeper types of communication part of my marriage relationship; Connection, Personal Revelation, and Intimate Communication. Are we connecting? Are we sharing our innermost thoughts and emotions? Are we communicating intimate feelings and affection? For me personally, and I have not gotten there yet, these are one of the avenues to a successful marriage; the CONNECTION in communication. Examples of the 3 major points of communication are the following: 1. Connection: This is huge in marriage. In a healthy relationship, it’s easy to connect with one another. You can do it through eye contact, through physical affection, and through the words you say to one another. As individuals, we are designed to seek connection. 2. Personal Revelation: This involves truly sharing with each other. Open up about your/my feelings, opinions and my emotions. This type of communication lets your spouse into your world. Since life is not always "Roses", another healthy idea is to process negative feelings together. For example, letting off steam after a bad day at work or even processing anger related to the relationship. Most importantly is to not let anger or frustration fester. Share what is bothering you. No individual can stand alone, even Superman needed help. Share what hurt your feelings. Instead of dwelling on them, work through them with your spouse. 3. Intimate Communication: Expressions of love, words of affection, whispers of “I love you.” These are statements that no one else will say to your spouse. These words bind your hearts together and build the kind of closeness that keeps a marriage strong. Many couples start their marriage strong and communicate at each of these levels. Tragically, before long, they can find themselves only communicating basic information. *I say "NO!" I want to live my live and marriage to the fullest. She is my heart, my true best friend, and the one I want to share every day with. I will fight for her and US! My favorite expression we share is, "I LOVE US!" Phones. Everywhere we look, or don't look (b/c we are looking down at the screen), we see them, phones are everywhere. 2 year olds have them in the grocery store for entertainment, and everyone else has them because they seem to hold our entire life; videos, photos, music, personal apps, whether games, financial, lifestyle or relationships, we carry our own world in the palm of our hands everyday.
One item that has made me reflect a bit about my dependency or usage of my phone is the weekly update of what my daily time average was. At times it can be startling. If the number displayed weekly, was my real daily average I would need professional help. Truth is, Mabel and I have been in a long-distance relationship for a while and we use our social media app constantly, even streaming while we do simple tasks; just to keep in touch with each other and share the day together. As many of us have dined out, many of us have seen the same problem, people engaged in their personal devices and missing the life going on around them; the relationships specifically. One factor that Mabel and I have pledged to each other is the priority of making essential time and memories together. For example, no phones or devices at the dinner table. That is our conversation time. Nothing brought into the bedroom, or more specifically to bed, because that is sleep time and together time. There is a well used expression that I love, "Hang Up and Hang Out!" As 2020 closes out and globally we are still dealing with COVID, many have had too much personal family time. To me, there really isn't enough. Family time is essential for communication and memories, passing down legendary family stories, etc. As Christmas and the New Year rolls around, I hope we always take advantage of the time we have and making essential memories. Amen! One of the most amazing things I have seen in a American-Filipino relationship is the passion a Filipino woman has toward their family and future family, me. Since we met, we have talked every single day, multiple times for hours. Our conversation never dies, never gets boring, and is never dry. Our quest is to know each other more and more. One thing Mabel said to me the other day which completely rocked my soul was her statement, "I will not waste a single moment while we are together." What a powerful commitment and declaration.
A while back, Sept. 1, in our first blog post, I disclosed what our family core values are. We made these as a form of accountability for us both. They are things we discussed intently, purposefully, and will more than likely post on our refrigerator door one day so we see them as a daily reminder. Recently we were talking about things that were/are important to us and essential to continue developing our relationship in the proper direction and growing paths. Thus, we came up with our relationship requirements. These include the following: 1. Friendship 2. Whole Hearted Commitment 3. (Intentional) Loving Relationship 4. Consistency 5. Forgiveness We are not trying to make a bunch of lists or "rules" for us to follow but we are talking and discussing the most important factors that we both hope to maintain and keep strong and fresh in our relationship together. Our focus is each other, to be selfless, and avoid selfishness in our life and relationship. I am thankful for what we have, what we share, and where we want to be in our future together. Being Ameri-Pino rocks! "If, or when I am asked, "How are you?", by someone, I typically will respond with an out of the ordinary answer; "I am living the dream", or "Trying to live the dream." Is this a legit and honest answer? I try to make it the truth....that is my hope, to live my dream. To make every day better than the day before. To take another step towards my final life goal, whatever it may involve, family, career, relationships, friendships, education, and etc. I heard a friend years ago remark with that comment and even though he was joking around with his answer, it really stuck with me.
Life is not a dress rehearsal. Our lives are real-time, day by day. It is a one-shot deal, with very few opportunities for "do overs". Each day that we do not take advantage can be seen as a day lost or wasted. What is it that I want to do or accomplish today, this week, this month, this year.....and the list goes on. Make a plan and do it. Nike coined an expression a while back and used it for years, "Just Do It!" What is it that we want to do or accomplish in our lives? What are the essential things we desire to master? If we don't try, we may be missing out on some of the greatest experiences or memories of our life's journey. Failure may not be the spice of life, but at least it shows someone that took a risk. Nothing risked = Nothing gained, whether it is the learning opportunity, self-reflection, or something to be learned. "If we did all the things, we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves", Thomas Edison. Success comes from taking risks. A quote from Thomas Edison who invented the electric light bulb (1879) after he failed repeatedly in doing so stated, "I have not failed. I just found 10,000 ways it won't work." If he had given up, would we still be using candles? I'm glad he kept on going. He also stated, "Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits." In other words, don't sit on your behind and expect the world to pave a path for you. "Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration." *Quotes by Thomas Edison - LINK I started a job at a retail company one time and part of the orientation was where the HR person detailed the philosophy of the company. Their philosophy is very simple, "To help families discover the joy of everyday life." They immediately followed up by asking everyone in orientation the question, "How do you bring joy to others?" Peoples answers varied but it was interesting how people answered the question; how they individually answered what they did or would do to bring someone else joy. Some of the following words can be called Super Powers for enabling relationships to prosper. The words include, but are not limited to: Connection, Inclusivity, Inspiration, Optimism, and Drive. Out of all of words mentioned, probably the most important one is DRIVE. By definition, the word "Drive" means, determined urge to attain a goal or satisfy a need. In other words, this is the internal force within a person that can cause an action to forward or backward, to succeed or fail, and etc. A person must initially have "Drive" in order to go forward to initiate any of the other important and key factors in a relationship or opportunity. Inclusivity - to not exclude an individual from any content or part of something, including the truth, to be intentionally transparent. Connection, the way things relate to each other, a binding or joining together. This is a continual process. Just as chains can rust and become brittle, maintaining a connection can mean to continually evaluate the links to ensure they do not rust, or become brittle but are well oiled with attention and care to keep the links alive and strong. Optimism and Inspiration, trying to see the positive in any difficulty and purposely stimulating a loved one to do or feel something valuable or of importance. Living life as if it is ones last day on Earth can be invaluable - living with purpose, telling others how much they are loved, sharing special moments, being adventurous, and accomplishing life goals (together). Why wait? Start the change or maintain the change today. "The Eyes are a mirror to the soul." The expression is a very common metaphor and expression for saying that the eyes of a person are supposed to give you insight into their inner world - their feelings, thoughts, etc. It may sound cliché but I do believe one can see love, happiness, frustration, animosity, truth and lies in other individuals eyes. The catch to the readability is the fact of knowing the individual(s) closely. Although mannerisms and body language are also interpreted with the "eyes" I truly think they can give one insight. It is truly a wonderful and amazing thing to see beautiful, full of life, full of love, eyes peering back at you. I can also say, it is a scary and horrible thing to see someone you know or have known look at you with cold and dead eyes. If you have ever seen that, you will never forget it. I do believe that one can learn "eye interpretation", knowing if your partner is hurting, content, or truly happy. The greatest privilege is building a relationship with them so we are able to read each other and understand their state of being without words being spoken, but that ALWAYS helps. There is no better feeling or sense of joy than seeing the one you adore and cherish have their eyes light up with excitement, happiness, and love. It feels like winning the lottery. I can honestly say that I am a sucker for eyes! Well, actually only two eyes. Her deep, dark, and majestic eyes are beyond captivating for me. My hope and passion is to ensure that my "loved one" consistently has those beautiful, full, and happy eyes. I love the opening of a poem (excerpt) entitled, "Your Beautiful Eyes" by Anjali Sinha: I remember vividly those serene eyes, Shining bright, emotion in them Sparks my blood to rise Thy teary eyes divine, Speak with love and tenderness, Eyes, a million stars in them The picture of innocence..... (stanzas 3-5 omitted) Let me always see through your eyes. Driving is a privilege. It gives one the opportunity of freedom - to go and do, travel to great locations, see friends, family, and etc. I learned to drive a car at the age of 14. Legally, I started driving at age 15, ha ha. I learned four incredibly important life lessons while learning to drive. First, my life and those who ride with me are controlled by my actions and the way I drive or navigate the road (life). If I grip the steering wheel too hard, literally being "white knuckled", my grip causes me to swerve or not be able to navigate in a literal straight line. Secondly, if I am not paying attention (distracted by things) to the road or to signs on the road I can crash or run off the road. Thirdly, even if I am on a straight road for 100 miles, if I turn the steering wheel just one degree, eventually, I will run into a ditch and crash. Lastly, in order for me to be a successful driver, I must pay attention to the road, keep my eyes open and be alert and not be distracted. I must be on guard for other drivers who may be driving erratically and may affect my lane.
Life's challenges will always be there but there is always a positive that enables the opportunity for continued success. So, what is the point of the analogy? Here is the explanation of the life lesson comparison to driving. Lesson #1 - If I try to be too controlling or allow someone else to be too controlling it can alter my path in life and steer me off course to who and what God has called me to be. Lesson #2 - If I allow distractions in my life that will alter, change, or pervert my perception of personal life responsibilities and family, I will not complete the path that God has called me to. For example, Hebrews 12: 1-2a states, "let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus..." Lesson #3 - The illustration of turning a steering wheel 1º is easily understood. A straight line is a straight line; there is no veering off course. Without readjusting ones path or bad decision making, altering our path by 1º will eventually end one up in the ditch. If we fail, readjust quickly to get back on the straight and narrow. Lesson #4 - Watch out for others who may try to interfere negatively in my life. Recognize poor or bad habits and do not be swayed by their influence. 1 Corinthians 15:33 states, "Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals.” (NASB) Lesson #5 - Arrive at your designation safe and sound. Make correct life choices. Choose your wife and family before yourself. Love, honor, and cherish them. Prioritize your time with them. Ensure your relationship and life patterns are consistent. If you make a mistake, own up to it and then change the pattern of decision making. Song of Solomon 2:15 states, "Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, While our vineyards are in blossom." (NASB) The main way that this verse is often interpreted is that anything that would spoil a couple's relationship (the little foxes) must be caught and dealt with, however small they may appear to be. The couple is urged to “catch the foxes” in their relationship, even though they are small and do not seem like much of a problem. The couple needs to identify and remove areas which will destroy their relationship even if they seem small. If left in the vineyard, these foxes may slowly destroy the lovers love.
I am no philosopher but one thing I have learned is that for many individuals, their eyes are a literal mirror to their soul, or the condition of their heart. For example, if they are happy or hurt, content or frustrated, "in love" or upset, and etc. I have seen eyes truly "sparkle" and also be, unfortunately, dead and cold. Eye contact in communication can tell an individual if everything is great, good. or if there may be an issue or problem that needs to be settled. Truly knowing your significant other is essential in the success of a relationship, but more so is the ability to opening communicate to each other. What are Little Foxes? Some examples include, but are not limited to: 1. Personal sin kept from your spouse/significant other. A huge truth here; a quote from one of my favorite trilogy movies, Men In Black 3, "The harshest truth is better than the sweetest lie." Be honest and transparent to your spouse and in all relationships. In an article by Debate.org (Lies and Truth), the author states, "The truth helps people cope and deal with reality. A lie only prolongs change which in the end change will happen as change is inevitable. " 2. Hiding something from your spouse or significant other. For example, hiding a purchase or ones spending practices, not telling them you have been hurt by something they may have said, etc. 3. Not telling the whole truth. Remember, a 1/2 truth is a whole lie because it is not full disclosure. Imagine going outside 1/2 dressed, you could still get arrested for indecent exposure. 4. Ignoring a problem between the two of you. This is called the "Elephant In The Room" scenario. It is where a couple continues walking around the problem or ignoring the problem and it never gets solved. It only magnifies and gets bigger and causes more problems/damage. For example, if a garden hose has a pin hole leak, over time if the hose is not remedied or fixed, the hose will rupture and no longer be usable. Couples and relationships must solve problems and issues immediately. 5. Personal insecurities - share your needs, wants, and desires with your spouse. They are supposed to be your best and closest friend. Plus, never share with others what you would not share with your spouse. It is a nightmare if you find out something your spouse said/did/purchased from someone else and you are clueless about it. Some others....(below was taken from Marriage.com) (link) "Bedroom" differences, Values and beliefs, Life stages, Traumatic situations, Stress, Boredom, Jealousy, Trying to change each other, Communication problems, Lack of attention, Financial issues, Lack of appreciation, Technology and social media, Trust issues, Selfish behavior, Anger issues, Keeping score, Lying. Relationships are supposed to be a taste of heaven on Earth. If it is not, it is NEVER to late to start, fix, or solve the issue. Any and all things are possible. I have been an Elvis fan all my life. One of my favorite songs is one called “Memories” written by Mac Davis. The music is soft, and it has some classic lyrics that causes one to reflect. For example, “Memories, pressed between the pages of my mind; Memories, sweetened through the ages just like wine…” The song can easily send one down memory lane. Not to long ago the Today Show covered a story from my hometown about a grandfather donating a bucket of baseballs (link). The picture went viral because of the comment he made on the letter attached to the bucket. “Hope someone can use some of these baseballs in the batting cages. I found them cleaning my garage. I pitched them to my son and grandson for countless rounds. My son is now 46 y/o and my grandson is 23 y/o. I am 72 and what I won’t give to pitch a couple of buckets to them. They have both moved away. If you are a father cherish these times. You won’t believe how quickly they will be gone.” What an amazing reminder of how important every minute of everyday is to each of us. Scripture reminds of the exact same concept. James 4:14 states, “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” Because we are reminded that moments with loved ones are or can be short, we should be more focused to not only create more of them but make them significant. Here are some simple ideas that can help get those memories started….reconnect and stay connected.
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Author(s):Kevin and Mabel are a Ameri-Pino couple. He is American and she is Filipino. These are our thoughts and reflections about our lives and relationship together. Archives
January 2022
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